Tuesday, February 5, 2013

HTAFILWAJ - Chapter Two

So I get that text from one of my friends.  I then share it with my friends on Instagram and automatically a few responded saying they've read that book and that is was frikkin good.  So I borrowed my friend's copy and just the first chapter alone, I knew I was going to get something out of it.

The first chapter recognized that I'm definitely the target reader.  It's not that I felt that I'm the only one out there with these problems when dating but it was comforting to know that I'm not the only tricked by guys.  Not that all guys I've dated are jerks or liars but it just helped knowing that it's a common thing.  It also answered the question as to why I get bored with nice guys so easily.  Haha.

The second chapter goes over the RAM (Relationship Attachment Model).  In the video I mentioned different levels of things and now with the book in front of me I can present it more clearly.

There are the five components of a relationship. Know, trust, rely, commit and touch (physical relationship).  And they develop in that order.  Once you get to know someone you can start to trust them.  Then rely on them .. then commit .. then the sexy things..blah yeah you get it.  And while I think most can agree that these are all important components to love and relationships I don't know how many people would describe how to go about doing each of these and in what order and to what level.
Epp explains that you can't have the levels be higher the previous one.  Your "know" needs to be on a higher level than "trust" .. "trust" is higher than "rely" .. "rely" is higher than "commit" .. "commit" is higher than "touch".

You can't rely on someone more than you trust or know them..it just doesn't work and it's out of balance.  Same with committing and having a physical relationship.  A balanced relationship isn't having it the same across the board .. it's about not having the right side higher than the left side.

That's the basic information on the RAM plan and as the book goes on it goes into detail on each of the five components and I'm really interested in learning about it and having a better understanding of these things.

Just two chapters in I'm ready to buy my own copy and take some notes so I recommend getting this for yourself. 

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