Tuesday, September 22, 2015


Earlier today I opened up Facebook to see a friend had shared a link to #shoutyourabortion .. I have a lot of thoughts about this.

First, I respect others that have different opinions than my own - especially if they have done research or have these opinions based on their own life experiences.  I understand we all go through different things in life and these experiences shape us to be who we are today.

I know that there are women out there that choose abortion for themselves for a variety of reasons.  Yes, it is their body and they can choose what they want to do with it.  With that said, most women can also choose to prevent pregnancies.  Yes, birth control can fail but I also don't feel that abortion should be considered as a form of birth control.

I would love to encourage abstinence for more reasons than preventing an unwanted pregnancy - especially since there are many other things you can do to feel intimate with your partner and to get satisfaction - but I know that abstinence is not a reality.

Okay .. let's get to this though.  I am not here to say why I'm against abortion.  I do feel that it's appropriate to share some of my thoughts on it and I have even more to share.  But I really want to focus on the #ShoutYourBlessing aspect of this post.

Now, the things I'm about to share are extremely personal and honestly, very little people know about some of these things.  But from my personal experiences I have determined my stance on abortion and I'm not here to argue or to change anyone's mind.  I'm here to share these experiences to give another point of view and you do what you want with it.  If you agree, cool.  If you disagree, cool.  If you're still not sure, that's fine.  I would just ask that you respect my opinion and it's either going to strengthen yours or not.

I do actually, have one more thought about abortion specifically.  I get it.  I have been there.  I have seriously considered abortion.  I also seriously considered adoption of a few forms.  However, I chose to keep my daughter and I have never regretted that decision.

Our first photo together.  Born 7.29.09 6 pounds 2 oz 19 inches
I understand the feelings that a woman can feel when she learns she's pregnant and had no intentions for that to happen.  Was I acting responsibly when I had sex?  NOPE.  We were not prepared and even after taking Plan B within 12 hours of having unprotected sex I still knew I was pregnant.  It only takes once.  Literally.

I found out I was pregnant with Peytyn on December 15th 2008.  I was 18 and had just started school at Oregon State University.  I met Peytyn's biological father "Jared" (not using his real name for privacy reasons) through a friend right before school started.  It was a brief relationship and to be honest I felt that things ended because we moved too quickly physically.  Again, something I had not planned on doing but hey, it happens.  I GET IT.

When I got confirmation I was pregnant I remember letting Jared know even though at this point our relationship had ended.  We waited until we both got back to Corvallis to talk about things in person (this was one of the years with a terrible snow storm - so bad the malls were closed the week of Christmas - seeing each other during break was impossible).

At the Portland LDS Temple on our sealing day.
When Jared and I got together to talk he felt the best option for us was open adoption.  He knew he wasn't ready to have a child and I totally don't blame him.  Even now I don't blame him.  And for those who are curious, Jared and I (as far as I know) are on good terms.  He has not been involved
with Peytyn at all - has never met her or provided for her financially.  And before you get upset about that on my behalf (thank you) it's totally okay.  I'm grateful that he has caused no drama or any grief when it comes to Peytyn.  I don't have to share her with him or his family.  And he was great when it came down to when I got married to Konnor.  Jared signed a form so Peytyn could be sealed to us on our wedding day!  He also was helpful when it came for Konnor to adopt Peytyn this last July.  So really, no hard feelings with Jared.  He gave me one of my two blessings I've had so far in this life and I'm so grateful for that.  Peytyn is truly a blessing and I love her so much.

Getting back to being 18 and pregnant: after Jared and I talked about our options it was time to tell my parents.  And to be honest, I didn't do that right away.  I waited until February to do that I think.  I was terrified.  During January and part of February were dark times for me.  I wish I had told my parents sooner so I could've had their love and support that much sooner but it was hard.  I also wanted to really think about my options I had.

I remember searching through adoption sites and reading about couples who wanted to grow their family.  It was difficult to do.  I just didn't feel good about it.

But I also remember thinking about abortion and how I wouldn't have to worry about this any more than I had to.  And from what I remember I even reached out to Jared about it and we talked about making a plan to doing that.  It was so long ago so I don't remember all of the details but I do remember one more thing.  I remember thinking about being at the clinic getting an abortion.  I imagined myself laying on a table getting prepared for the doctor to complete the abortion and I knew I couldn't do it.  I knew deep down that if I ended up physically at the clinic waiting to see the doctor I would run out screaming.  I knew deep down that it wasn't what I was supposed to do.  I didn't have more reasons beyond that.  I just know I was in a very dark place and I was depressed and worried and scared - I was not prepared for this.  But I also knew I couldn't kill this baby.

September 2013
Eventually when I did talk to my parents about being pregnant I brought up my abortion thoughts and I'm glad I did.  I remember the tone of my mom's voice.  She was very pissed off at me but she also had so much love for me and she shared her thoughts on abortion.  It's what I needed to hear to feel better about why I knew I shouldn't do it.

Ever since Peytyn has been born, she has blessed my life so much.  She has taught me many things and her spirit has comforted me everyday.  I couldn't imagine my life without her and I'm proud to call her my daughter.

Earlier, I mentioned that he gave me one of my two blessings I've had so far in this life and I know that there is more of an explanation to that sentence - but it's hard to put into words.

This isn't common knowledge, but I have been pregnant twice.  For those of you that are good friends of mine, please don't feel bad that you don't know.  Seriously, very few do.  It's been been a hard year for me for this reason.

Unfortunately, my second pregnancy didn't last more than six weeks.  And honestly, it's sometimes hard to call him/her a blessing because it's been so painful.  But s/he really is one of my blessings even though s/he didn't make it here.

Christmast 2012
But s/he is one of the reasons why I'm Pro-Life and why I love Peytyn so much.  I never knew my
love for Peytyn could grow but it did.  I never knew I could value or appreciate her anymore than I already do.  And I know once Konnor and I are able to have a successful pregnancy, I will love him/her so much - and I cannot wait for that day to come.

Okay now that I've cried for the past 15 minutes while trying to type the above paragraph I can give some more details.

So you know already that it took just once to get pregnant with Peytyn.  Well, with my second pregnancy it only took two months of trying.   I had my birth control removed in early November in 2014 and at the end of January 2015 I got a positive pregnancy test.  But it was just a little over a week later is when I knew something was wrong.  Within a few days from then it had come to our attention that my hCG levels were declining.  Along with this information I was also in pain and there was a lot of blood going on and things coming out of me that were terrifying to see.

Now, it's September 2015.  My due date is rapidly approaching and I'm not ready.  I'm not ready because I seriously thought I would be pregnant by now and that would mean I can get past October 1st feeling hopeful rather than depressed.  But crap, getting pregnant is hard!  There's not much to it but yet, here we are, babyless and it's very very difficult.

Considering how easy it was for me to get pregnant both times I sincerely was not concerned (and really, I'm not concerned, just impatient).  I recently saw my doctor to have a talk with him about fertility and stuff and we are not to the point to do any testing yet (we are waiting until this year is over first).  He also mentioned to me that with my two pregnancies and with them happening so quickly he isn't concerned and thinks it could happen on its own.
On her adoption day & 6th birthday 7.29.15

I feel that life should be celebrated and valued.  It breaks my heart knowing here I am trying to get pregnant to grow my family and yet there are women out there that don't understand what they're throwing away.  I understand their fears, worries, concerns - I get it.  I have been there.  But don't do it for yourself, do it for him/her.  Give him/her a chance at life and give another couple a chance to have a family.  Hell, I'll gladly adopt your baby whether I can have my own or not.

If you choose to have an adult relationship, you need to own your actions.  I know I've said this already, but I get it, I've been there.  It is terrifying.  Even when my husband and I made the decision to take me off of birth control I had reservations.  I remember thinking "Who am I to decide that it's okay to bring a life into this world?!?  What makes me eligible to make this decision??"  I have no doubts we are good parents.  I have no doubts that we are able to provide for our future children financially.  I have no doubts that we are ready for this.  But creating a life is a huge decision - one I don't take lightly.  But it's a decision we are making and I will #ShoutMyBlessing when s/he makes it here.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The LDS Matchmaker

So it's been awhile since I've updated anything on my blog so I thought it's time!  A lot has happened these past few months (marriage, new house, new job for me, new job for Konnor) and today I thought I would start to get caught up on the blog.

For the past six or so months I have been working on The LDS Bachelorette and through that I've met many amazing people and have had a lot of great experiences.  Through the show, I met Amy Stevens (soon to be Seal, wahoo!), founder of The LDS Matchmaker.  Amy is such an incredible woman and her company is doing so many amazing things for LDS singles - and since August I've been officially part of it!

The week after Konnor and I got home from our honeymoon we both got new job offers (his from Vivint and mine from The LDS Matchmaker).  It was an easy choice for both us to accept these offers for many reasons and we feel so blessed that Heavenly Father answered our prayers and gave us our many blessings of our new jobs and all the experiences that come with them.
Check out our current deal on KSL.

I know most people know what Vivint is - summer sales, home security, etc. but when I tell people I work for The LDS Matchmaker, majority of people are confused as to what that means.  Most people think I work for an online dating site - which is not the case.  We actually do personal matchmaking for our clients.  Maybe the idea of that is a bit extreme in this day and age since so many things are done online - so I can see where the confusion is coming from.

Here at TLM we have a team of experts to assist out clients in various ways.  We have our matchmakers who meet with clients and set them up on dates (I'm simplifying this role, there's a lot of work that goes into matchmaking but that would turn into a very long post), our dating coaches who meet with clients to help them during the dating process and our stylists do closet consults, personal shopping, makeup/hair lessons, etc.  There have been 52+ marriages in the past 18 months and we have a new service that we're offering: online dating profile creation/management (this is actually pretty sweet).  To learn more about our services you can check out our website or click here to enroll in our free database.

Again, this is all pretty simplified for the purpose of a blogpost to give an overall idea of what we do.  If anyone has any questions on anything I would be happy to answer them.  I know we have so much to offer the LDS single community and I have enjoyed getting to know clients and hearing their stories.  Everyone has a different background on dating and has learned different things from different situations and I feel blessed to part of their lives - even if it's just meeting them or helping with their makeup just once.

I have a strong testimony of temple marriage and it's what keeps me close to the church - even when I was inactive I knew that I needed to be at the temple.  I'm so grateful to be sealed to Konnor and Peytyn and to be with them forever.  It was the most amazing experience of my life to be kneeling at the alter with my family to be sealed to them.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Naked3 Date Night Makeup

In honor of the premier of The Bachelorette tonight and The Mormon Bachelorette now accepting applications I wanted to create a simple date night look using the Urban Decay Naked3 Palette. 

I'm looking forward to co-producing this next season of TMB.  Erin and I have been waiting for months to finally share with everyone this next season.

To apply to be on the next season of The Mormon Bachelorette, click here and to see how I created this look check out the video below (make sure to watch in HD!).
Eye Products:
Naked3: Strange, Limit, Buzz, Liar

Face Products
-Setting Powder: MAC Mineralize Loose Powder 
-Highlighter: MAC "Vanilla" Pigment

Lip Products:
-MAC Lipstick "Japanese Maple"
-NYX Buttergloss "Eclair"

Monday, April 28, 2014

Half Baked Smokey Eye

**Make sure to watch in HD!**
I'm very proud with how this video came together.  Please subscribe and share with your friends. <3
Today I wore my Bellami Hair Extensions (22inch Chestnut)
For this look I used the first Naked Palette by Urban Decay.  This really is my "go to look".  I do this look the majority of the time I do my makeup, but sometimes I use "Sin" or "Sidecar" as the lid instead of "Half Baked".
Setting Powder: MAC Mineralize Loose Powder
Highlighter: MAC "Vanilla" Pigment

Friday, April 25, 2014

Golden State Warriors Makeup Look (2014 Playoffs)

Today's makeup look was inspired by the Golden State Warriors.  This is Konnor's team for basketball and while I'm a Blazer fan I wanted to do something for him.  I really loved how this turned out.  It's wearable without being too crazy, but really, we need crazy for sporting events!  You can get away with anything.
Click photos to enlarge, links take you to product pages.
Below I have a video on how to achieve this look.
Or you can click here to take you to my channel.
Products I used
For this look I used the BH Cosmetics Malibu Palette (on sale for $4.50 on BH's website).  I got mine in my Cult Cosmetics Black Box last month.
From this palette I used these two colors (top left yellow & second from the top on the right).
I used the Sonia Kashuk 106 brush for the yellow eyeshadow and the BeauitControl brush for the blue eyeshadow in my crease.
For my lid color I used "Virgin" from the first Naked Palette by Urban Decay and I used my Starlooks eyeliner that I got in my IPSY bag awhile back.
Lipstick: MAC Lipstick "Chatterbox"

What I used for my face:
Setting Powder: MAC Mineralize Loose Powder
Highlighter: MAC "Vanilla" Pigment
How to get the look: 
The first lipstick I tried with this look was NYX "Power" but the other photos are MAC's "Chatterbox".

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Portland Trail Blazer Makeup Look #2 (2014 Playoffs)

Here is the second look I created for the playoffs.  I actually made a video for this and you can see that here.  Below are photos (click to enlarge) and a list of everything I used along with some links. Enjoy!!

What I used for the eyes:
  • Primer: MAC Pro Longwear Concealer NW20
  • Upper Crease: "Naked" from the first Urban Decay Naked Palette
  • Lower Crease: "Buck" from the first Urban Decay Naked Palette
  • Lid: "Naked" from the first Urban Decay Naked Palette
  • Outer Half: "Red Hot" by NYX Cosmetics
  • Outer Third: "Creep" from the first Urban Decay Naked Palette
  • Inner Corner Highlight/Brow Bone Highlight: "Virgin" from the first Urban Decay Naked Palette
  • Tightline/Waterline: "Black Velvet" Velvet Glide-On Pencil by Urban Decay
  • Lower Lid: "Buck" from the first Urban Decay Naked Palette & "Red Hot" by NYX Cosmetics
  • Lash Line: "Creep" from the first Urban Decay Naked Palette
  • Mascara: L'Oreal Telescopic & Covergirl Clump Crusher
What I used for my face:

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Sugar Cookies with Pey

I used a cat cookie cutter and then flipped one
of them so they can look at each other.  I then
did my best to cut out the Nike symbol with a
Lately Peytyn has been wanting to decorate cookies and on Monday she came home from school saying she wanted to make some for her teacher.  So yesterday afternoon Peytyn and I baked some cookies and she decorated them this morning before school.

Now, I'm no decorating pro.  I tried my best and am happy with the results even though they don't look all that great.  Pey, however, did a fabulous job.

For the cookies, I bought a sugar cookie mix from the store.  Once all the ingredients  were mixed, I wrapped the dough in plastic wrap and put it in the freezer.  That makes it easier to work with once it's more firm.  I only put the dough in the freezer for 10-15 minutes.

I separated the dough for Pey and me to use.  I recently bought Peytyn her own rolling pin, cookie cutters and cookie sheet and they are pretty sweet.  I got them from IKEA and you can see it here.  I love how small they are!  So cute and easier for her to handle as well.

For fun I thought it would be cool to make a Blazer cookie and it's simple logo and coloring so why not??  Yeah..didn't turn out super great but I like them!

To cut out the right shape I used a cup to make an indent on the rolled out dough and I then used a butter knife to cut out the little..um..curves?  Haha..honestly, the Blazer logo reminds me of 69 but meshed together.  Once the little "curves" are cut out I cut out the indent I made with the exception of the the part that keeps the "curves" intact.  I also adjusted the "curves" to curve more if I cut them too straight.  That was nice that the dough allowed me to do that.

While the cookies were baking Pey decided to give her Barbie doll and dog a makeover by making outfits for them out of Playdough.
For the royal icing, I used this recipe.  I needed to add a lot of powder sugar to the recipe to make it thicker, but I liked using it and it tastes pretty good! (I used Vanilla extract instead of Almond).

To decorate cookies with royal icing, I suggest you see these videos from YouTube.  This channel is the reason why Peytyn wanted to decorate cookies in the first place.  This is how it's supposed to be done.

This is what I came up with..
These are the others the I iced.  Well, I iced all of them.  I was hoping Peytyn wouldn't get upset about not icing them with me (she was in bed) but I had a plan on something more fun for her to do with them.
I knew Konnor would say something about making Golden State Warriors cookies but that logo though..I'm sure I could do it but for the first time using royal icing, I wasn't sure about it.  Plus it would be more fun to do that with Konnor.
Now for Pey's turn!  It's pretty cool, I found these food markers at the store when I was buying the food coloring.  I knew she would enjoy this more than icing the cookies.  (I iced them last night so they would be dry in time for her to color before school.) It would be cool to see her ice a cookie and do the different colors like we've seen in the videos.
She loved coloring them!
She asked me to hold the cookie still for her so she can color it without it moving.
All her creations!!
I love her "rainbow" cookies the most I think.